Second week of study week, Semester 3
My beloved grandfather, heaved his last breath, at his own house, on the hospital bed, that his children just bought for him. Especially for him.
He was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease. The stage where, whether he received the dialysis treatment or he didn't, the outcome would be pretty much the same.
As a medical student, I should have noticed that there's unintentional reduction in his weight and loss of appetite. But when I come to think of it, i only noticed these changes upon looking at his past pictures, after he passed away.
Second week of study week. I got a whatsapp, after I have just finished covering a lecture, showing my dad's message
'Dukacita dimaklumkan, ayah kawan (saya) baru sahaja meninggal dunia pada pukul 12.00 tengah malam ini'
I have to be in UiTM Sungai Buloh. Mom doesn't let me to return to Melaka. Not that I'm disappointed with my mother, but I felt sad, that I wasn't there, together with my other family member, sending him off
My atuk, my beloved atuk has always been the one who'd wait eagerly and patiently upon the arrival of his children whenever we balik kampung. He'd rather not sleep and just sat there at the balcony, in the middle of night just to wait for us, When asked, why haven't you been sleeping? He said, I was waiting for you guys to come
During my period of staying in kampung, he was the one who'd bring us to go sightseeing in the kampung, by his motorcycle. Every single time, without fail, even though he's tired.
Until one day, he could no longer ride a motorcycle. His vision became poorer.
Every time we are going back home, he would always say:
'Belajar pandai-pandai ya cucu atok, nanti atok sakit kamu boleh rawat atuk. Bangga atuk dengan kamu'
I took light of that advise until after he was gone
Atuk, when I visited you for the last time, I held your hand, and rubbed your hand gently, but you were sleeping. Sometimes I'd hear some crackles, which makes me sad, because I know how painful it is for you at that time. But you never opened your eyes. Until the moment we said that we were going back. Since adik have to be back in school the next day.
I kissed your hand and forehead and said:
'Atuk, kita balik dulu. Kita minta maaf salah silap'
And you opened your eye, very little that I could barely notice it. But i know that you did. And I see that there was brim of tears on your eye. And my heart, they are shattered completely. Somehow I got the feeling that, that may be the last time for us to see each other. You passed away, later, only a few days after you 82nd birthday
I was not really close to you when compared to my sister, who had the chance to be raised by you. But nonetheless, I love you. I'm so sorry that I didn't say this much when you were alive, but I really do.
I still remember during ramadhan last year, 2018, you were 81 years old, but you prayed throughout the terawikh 21 rakaat, You followed my younger brothers lead which will logically be quite fast for you, but you did it all. You taught me that being old definitely is not an alasan to not submit to Him. I look up to you, atok.
I miss you, I really do. My heart feels unsettled. But i don't know how to undone this. I guess writing, or rather typing might help a lil'
Al-Fatihah.
Love, Athirah. Your granddaughter
POSTED BY nurathirah ON Sunday, 10 March 2019 @ 11:13
