She doesnt know why, she starts to grow an interest of staying away from people or how does she put it? Solitude, yes. She likes it that way lately this. No no it's not lonely, it's solitude and solitary. And no, she is not tryna romanticising sadness or whatsoever.
She is happy with her life right now, but when sadness tryna find its way through her heart and mind, when it's trying to manipulate her she quickly push them all away. She knows that she cant let herself feel anymore down or degraded etc. She knows that no matter how many circle of friends she has, or how close she is with somebody, she knows that she, herself, has to convince and coax herself because nobody will do that for her.
She gets back up on her feet herself (not literally herself because He is the one who gives her strength and peace and serene), strong but vulnerable. She has to encourage herself, convince herself that she needs to be happy and positive and to not worry about insignificant things too much. And shes fine with all that. This, too, she convince herself that it's gonna be fine, at least.
But she's just a human. Another human being. Another human being. Another human being who deserves more than that. Another human being who.....
Who still have the feeling to love and be loved, to care and being cared of, to coax and be coaxed by. She wants that. But nobody was there when she needed them. Then she tells herself that she needs to stop depending on people, but instead be someone who can stand on their own feet.
People are giving up on her. She tries to show them that she doesnt even give up on them, that she still need them, very, very much, that she loves and appreciates them so much. But then, things dont work that way, it takes two to tango, remember? She tries to liven up the conversation but then again the other side doesnt really put an effort into it. So the effort that she made was like poof (again, insignificant)
She is tired of it all. Sometimes she feels like giving up but when she thinks of how much she had been through just to make it to where she is right now, it definitely does not worth it if she quit right now. She is not a quitter and will never be.
She convince herself that it's gonna be okay, and some people will walk into her life and appreciate and accept and be grateful for every single thing that she is. it is not like the world revolves around her, yes? People change. Every single of us does. But sometimes wouldnt it be nice for something to not change and stay that way forever?
She wants to be that girl who is too large for worry, too happy to permit the presence of trouble. She wants to be that girl who is financially, emotionally, physically stable. She wants to be that girl who has so much confident in doing every single thing in life. She has a lot of life goals which are yet to be achieved. And in time, she's got a lot of work to do until she achieves what she wants. Nevermine the people who leave her, because she believes that if it is meant to be it will be and that He will replace what she loses with something even better. If it's not now then it is at ad-daarul akhirah.
Stay strong dear 'she',
be a woman who loves yourself,
Fi hifzillah inshaaAllah
POSTED BY nurathirah ON Wednesday, 29 April 2015 @ 07:16