She walks down the pavement, looks up to the sky. She doesnt know why that day it feels like something is 'off', something is different. But she keeps on walking, decided not too think about that too much. She believes that in order to be happy, she must cherish each moment she spend, each people she mingle with, each view she had been given the chance to look at. She believes in all these things.
Day passed quickly until one fine day, she meets a guy. She thinks that this guy is the only guy (other than her dad and her brothers) who is able to make her laugh. She likes it when it comes to hearing his opinion, and his stories, reminiscing their old childhood times...she likes them all. She starts to fall even more without she even realises it.
She thinks that, that guy only tell all those things regarding problems, opinions, childhood memories to her and only her. The thought of it makes her happy. But little does she know that... that is not the truth. The guy also talk about all those things to another girl. To make it even worse, that 'another girl' is her bestfriend. But she said to herself, it's okay. it's nothing. let's keep on hoping. That is the biggest mistake she has ever made; she refuses to see the truth that is being unveiled little by little, she even denies it to make her heart feels at ease
Until one day, her bestfriend gives her some sort of quiz. 'What if the person that you like, like your bestfriend, instead of you? ' And she said 'it's okay i'll just back off and move on. I dont want my relation with my bestfriend is being ruined just because of a guy. And I think that it's even more pathetic if my bestfriend refuses to tell me the fact that that guy has confessed to her' she said that after thinking deeply. She kinda has that hunch that the person that she likes, likes her bestfriend but as usual, she denies it.
And then her bestfriend told her 'Hey, can I tell you something?' and she said 'yeah, of course what is it?'. She can see the look of guilty, and a bit of hesitation in her friend's eye. 'The truth is that, the person that you like, he actually confessed to me a month ago' She knows that this is gonna happen sooner or later. She tries to hold on the tears (she doesnt even know why does she cry) that is on the verge of falling. She gains few strength and she said 'i ve this kinda guess. i should have known it. I should have known when to stop' and then she walks away, unable to hide her feelings anymore. She picks her bag up, get inside the car and just stares blankly on the sky.
No matter how much she tries to hold on the tears (she believes that she shouldnt cry because of a guy) but she just couldnt. And she just let it out. Maybe because she feels ashamed. She feels as if shes the only one who is putting a lot of effort to make sure the conversation keep going pn between them. Maybe because she feels that kinda ache in her heart as the guy give her mix signal and make her fall even more, expect even high. Maybe because she feels that she is really stupid as she denies the truth that is now unveiled.
She knows then that when a guy is close to a girl, that doesnt mean that that guy likes that girl. She is going through a hard time to move on as the guy keep on and keep on tryna have conversation with her. She takes back the brick that has fallen, she arrange and build them all up again high enough to let anybody in. She sat at the gate of her heart and let nobody in but Allah
She believes that when the right time comes, she will meet with her he's-the-one. She believes that she should learn as much as she could, improve herself as better as she could. She deserves something more. She believes that 'we accept the love we think we deserve'. She's busy with herself. Too busy to even realise that she has moved on as time passed by. It takes around a year to move on.
She is stronger than ever. She's a Kintsugi.
Que sera sera, whatever will be will be
the future is not ours to see
que sera sera
POSTED BY nurathirah ON Monday, 23 February 2015 @ 10:38